Hectic…Warm… Calming… Wild… Loving…

Just a few of the millions of words that could be used to describe marriage at any given time. I’d use forever.

With all the fluff around marriage in today’s world, its easy to see why it may not be taken as a forever thing anymore or at least not as much as it has been in the past. We see figures in the public’s eye getting married and divorced faster than my oven pre-heats everyday. It’s sad to say it has lost a bit of that sacred commitment flare to quite a bit of people.

That being said there are still a slew of people who believe in the “for better or for worse” part of the vows taken at the altar, myself being one of them. My husband Tim and I have been married since February 2005. Going on 14 years. 14 amazing, messy, exhausting, tear-filled, loving, never boring years. As much as I can sit here and say (surprisingly) there is nothing I would change that has me where I am today, it was not always fun. 

Us

Tim and I have been through some pretty tough things that not all couples have and we made it out on the other side. Intact, yes. Different, definitely.

We broken each others hearts, done things we wish we hadn’t but also have gotten stronger through each shit show that comes our way. We have gone through deaths and a diseased child. Hospital stays and medical scares. Deployments. Births of our boys and watching the life we created growing up.

I was 18 and finishing massage school. He was 20 and in the military. We were young. I had only graduated high school a few months earlier. We fell fast and hard. Just two weeks after we met, Tim asked my dad permission to marry me and I was already and unknowingly pregnant with our first son.

I have always been pretty mature for my age so getting married at pregnant at 18 didn’t seem young to me at all. Needless to say, over the next several years, Tim and I grew up together. We even grew apart, and back together. Our journey as husband and wife is by far one of my favorite journeys. Because, damn, it sure has been a trip!

But it was never an easy one. So I’d like to think that after 14 years of marriage I can hand out some decent advice or words of wisdom. 

After all, joining two completely different people together forever, is A BIG DEAL, to say the least. As with all things that there are no instruction manuals on, ya gotta wing it. And hope that at some point you’re getting it right.

Since that manual does not exist, here’s a few things that I chimed in on.

Things you want to know about marriage

You love your spouse. There will be plenty of days that you don’t like your spouse, but you LOVE THEM. Remember that. 

Be kind. After being with another person for so long we can tend to forget simple kindness. Always try to be kind in your words and judgements of your spouse. This is something I remind myself daily.

Communicate. Always is a good time to communicate. You don’t get to chose when you want to or don’t want to communicate. Now and always. 

Support and appreciation. This is HUGE. Support your partner in all that they do. Small or big, show how appreciative you are to have them in your life doing the things they do. This will make all the difference. 

There will be times that you don’t even want to breathe the same air as your husband or wife. Even the people that you may think have spotless marriages have days like this. Its natural. Nothing to be ashamed of. You just get through it together. Remember, you’re both only human and many mistakes will be made.

Fight FOR each other, not WITH each other. When you find yourselves arguing over something meaningless, stop and remind yourself of all of the things that make you love them and how you obviously don’t want to lose them, especially over something stupid. All couples argue, its normal. Move on and don’t dwell. When its over, let it be. 

Some of these are common knowledge but you will be surprised at how even common sense goes out the window some days.  I asked my friends and family to weigh in on the subject as well and this is what they said.

Destiny Blakeney says “Communication, romance, affection, be in the moment, make memories, have fun with each other, make time for date nite, enjoy the journey together, you only live once, and remember you love each other….. it’s hard with life and work and house shit and kids and families and trying to have time to yourself to get lost in that moment … but remember the bigger picture….. just be happy !!!! If that makes sense. Everyone needs to be happy. It’s a balancing act !!!!!! No simple answer to any of it !!!!”

“Simply put Communication, compromising and truthful.”- Jamie Holeman

Skip Standley – “You just gotta have fun.”

Tammy Young shares “What you’re wasting time on fighting today has no meaning tomorrow… If you can save $10 a paycheck for the rest of your life until your retirement do so!!”

Melissa Mason has got the right idea! “Laugh a lot! Even when something tragic happens look for the positive. Have each others back and lift each other when they fall.”

Lastly, my mom Sharon Balduc (married 30 years New Years Eve) “Compromise. Look for something good in your partner every day. Be supportive of each other. A relationship is not a one way street. Team work makes the dream work. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Be silly. Laugh, not just with each other but at yourself. Try not to go to bed angry.”

As with all situations and people alike, no two are the same. However, these tips work for all relationships. Don’t forget to be yourself, love hard, fall soft, and fight through. One day you will look back at how far you’ve come and be glad you did.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. – Mignon McLaughlin

Raisin’ hell and gentlemen,
xoxo Married Mama