Long Island Iced Tea, Captain Morgan and Coke, Green Tea shots, were all things I was used to drinking on a regular basis.
Our move to Texas found us checking out the local bar scene nearby the house right away and quite often. Every night, as a matter of fact. Especially when we first arrived here. This was new for us and my husband specifically who didn’t ever frequent the bars or drink for that matter. Right out the gate, Houston had us drinking more than ever before which ended up a few drinks a night. It was fun hanging out together, hearing open mic nights, meeting different people, and, well, drinking.
Soon enough we’d made friends with bartenders at different bars and bar owners and bar regulars and became quite the regulars ourselves. This is all fine and dandy for those that don’t have kids at home but does become excessive for those of us that do. Still, we’d be in the bars every chance we got. Eating lunch, hanging out, singing, dancing, all the things adults do, right? Oh man, don’t even get me started on ‘day drinking’. Bad day? Day drinking! Good day? Day Drinking! 2pm? Day drinking! UCK!
Fast forward to our second year living in Texas and A LOT of liquor down the hatch and money down the drain, it starts to take a toll. I am, was, will always be a mother FIRST but eventually by carrying on the way I was really had me taking an in depth look at what I was actually doing. I would see other people who partook in the same ways and would find things I didn’t like in them and myself alike. I would start to think about all the time wasted sitting in a bar just barreling my money into their registers.
Sure, there were times along the way that I would take a break from drinking. A month here, a couple months there, not drinking tonight, etc.. However, the headaches became frequent, the getting utterly sick off of minimal drink and doing it over and over again in the name of “socializing” became tiring and situations became clearer that I needed to change.
Am I saying that I could have been an alcoholic? I am not sure. By many definitions, absolutely. Alcoholism does run in my family and I do know what it looks like. I know that someone could drink once a month, yet, if they get drunk that once every time, they can be an alcoholic. I know that when I made the choice to quit drinking I was going to have to eliminate the thinking that I was “allowed” to drink because I’m adult, or I needed alcohol to have fun/relax/unwind/fit it/ whatever it may be. Mom’s don’t “need” wine or “mommy juice” to handle the day. Throwing away all the excuses that I needed or even wanted a drink was key.
Needless to say, buzzed or drunk or warm or fuzzy was not a way I wanted to feel anymore because of alcohol ever again and I knew that. September 4th, 2022 will be my 18 months sober. The first 4 weeks were definitely iffy. I thought about having a drink multiple times a day. I would question in my own head whether this was going to be a forever thing or not, which was just doubt speaking, really. It also took my husband a couple months to quit asking me if I wanted a drink, or tell me to get a drink when we were out to dinner or to just support the fact that I wasn’t going to drink again. But here we are and it was the best decision I have made and I won’t go back.
Living my life without all the bullshit grossness that drinking always seemed to bring has been enlightening to say the least. And I’m damn proud of myself!
If you’re doing the sober thing, for whatever personal reasons you may have, I see you and I am proud of you. Keep pushin’ on!
by 